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I Had A Dream!!! Martin Luther King Jr. ain't the only one! lol
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May 3, 2012 6:01 am
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I starting this one out with the crazy dream I had last night. And if I was in a good mood before, I'm in a damn good mood now, so look out!
So in the dream, I had a winning lottery ticket, but the numbers were out of order. (Don't worry! I'm playing them anyway, just in case. In a settlement with the lottery commission, I received 25 million dollars, not bad for a semi-retired drag queen, amongst other things. This however, started a chain of events that I still can't wrap my brain around.
The U.S. Government gave me a paying position,(Come on now! Would you sleep with Uncle Sam?)Anyway, they gave me a job( not with the hand or mouth.) They employed me as a liaison, an ambassador of sorts, for the gay community. Imagine if you will, me, getting to paid to drink, party and perform, in every sense of the word, with gay and open minded men all over the world!?! If that wasn't bad enough, I was touring with my band of merry male strippers, only two band members so far but I'm aiming for an orchestra! And some hot Latino traveled with me all the time, and I'm still taking applications! I don't know what brought all that about in my sub-conscience state, but it was one hell of a wet dream for me!
Then I get here, and I pleasantly flabbergasted! Don't you just love that word. Now I think I had an out of the country male friend here once, but he wanted more than I was willing to offer and decided we shouldn't be friends anymore. But in all the time I've been here, I have had fans, men that I talked feces to, and guys come and go, and not in the best way, if you know what I mean. But I think I may actually have my first friend who may actually hang around a while.
So thank you, BegumMagnolia, for being brave enough to be attached to me in the bonds of friendship. I'm looking forward to having my first real girl friend here. I also want to thank Ari-Fairy, a long ago fan I see has made it back. Welcome home girlie! I think my boy Jake was here too, but I guess he wants to keep it hush-hush. Our little secret, lover! lol And could it be that I have a replacement for Gowerboy? We will have to wait and see, but and please don't take this the wrong way, unless it works for you, thanks for hanging out with us JKH_54!
Speaking of guys, my tour of duty couldn't possibly be over if I didn't send some male to my ladies! So if you are in Maryland and have the time, check with Poetexpress88 for a sexy rhyme.And if you are honestly into that kind of thing, I write nasty, naughty perverted poems on another blog of mine. For those of you in Durham, NC, there is a lovely older gentleman, Joe_129. He's 44 so he actually has permission to spank me for calling him older. My two favorite ones I saw were actually young, sexy and unfortunately, play on your side of the fence, as they all tend to do anymore. Yes, I can still appreciate and hate! lol Anyway, if you are near Wexford, Pa, check out Scorpion5422 and see if his poison is a potion for love. And have mercy in San Diego, somebody has to tell me if he lives up to his name, Superticklish, because I've got feather boas, fingers, and on a good day, my afro, mustache and goatee! But please, let me find the spots for myself! lol
Alright ladies, girlfriends and few brave men, I'm done for now. So until next time, keep a smile on your face, take a break from the rat race, and have a dance and a drink at your favorite place!
That's my plan anyway! lol
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Love "Sunny Days" but hate"Hard Wood Floors"!!!
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Apr 15, 2012 7:55 am
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There isn't much on television I have to view these days. My only soap is General Hospital! I gave up Law & Order:SVU when they gave up Stabler, played so deliciously by Christopher Meloni, who I hear may be a sucker, of blood unfortunately, on True Blood. And the first few minutes of Bones. They find their dead bodies in the most interesting ways. So I was just flipping through the channels and caught Scandal.
Now, if you are wondering what this has to do with the title of my blog, I'm getting there. I just like it like my sex, long, drawn out, and satisfying, not rushed through or done by someone who don't know what they are doing.
I'm not saying I'm a fan of the show, but the episode was interesting. There was this madam who supplied services to all the political big wigs in D.C. But in her records, she didn't use names or addresses or phone numbers. She used something special about them to catalog them!
So "Sunny Days" mean that the client didn't care for raincoats, or condoms, for those requiring a sex ed class. I personally know it is fiscally irresponsible in this day and age, but love the idea! I mean the idea of sucking on rubber or latex is repulsive to me. And besides, when it is piping hot and right from the maker, like Maxwell House, it can be "good to the last drop!"
And "hard wood floors" is a reference to the "carpet matching the drapes" phrase. Basically, it refers to shaving down below. I hate this! I love hair! I would do Bigfoot if he spoke with an Italian accent! There is no such thing as too much hair for me. So the removal of it is usually a disappointment for me, though if you are still decent, you can still hang in my bedroom! Facial hair, hairy chest, armpits and legs, that natural musk that usually accompanies it, running my fingers or flossing my teeth with it, it is all such a turn on for me. So if you want attention with me, you have to be a living male, on a scale from one to ten, 4 or 5 with hair, 7 or 8 without! lol Keep that in mind, Jake! lol
And before I forget ladies, I did find a few to share when I came on. So those of you in the Rialto, California area might want to check out Latinolove2012. Don't let the year fool you, he's 36! And if rainy days and Mondays always get you down in Seattle Washington, I found an excellent pick me up! 26 year old Alberto344 is yummy for your tummy! But my favorite one ladies, may be a issue. He's sexy as hell, 41 and in Trussville, Alabama. Got to love a southern gentleman! But I can't tell if he's single or not, with a name like Kendorian! Is it Ken & Dorian, or his first and last name? somebody find out and let a brother know!
And I'm through messing with you people today. Have a delightful Sunday and I will see you soon!
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The Bitch is a Year Older!!!
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Apr 4, 2012 7:45 am
760 Views
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Sorry, I haven't been on in a while children. But I just finished the month long celebration of the anniversary of my birth. And other than then, and unfortunately with one of my neighbors when I was five years old, I haven't been near a womb since! lol
Yes, I did some traveling. Made myself a K.C. Masterpiece for about a week. You know, when I lived there, I had two guys I wanted to be my husband and another sexy thing on line I would have died to spend one night with. So you know I had to go a hunting! Husband#1 was still as sweet and sexy as ever. Still with the same guy too, so we had to keep it on the downlow. You know there ain't no shame in my game, but for the 36 hours of heaven, it was so worth it. Husband#2 is still single, but has a house full, with two kids and a dog. So I was just happy to see him and happy for him! The sexy young thing is now with a beau, so he sneaked me some pictures. He can be my husband in my wet dreams now! I looked for all my sexy bartenders, but they were gone! I did find a few of my old playmates, so I had to prove I got better with age!
Then I went to Saint Louis. You know, that Arch has nothing on my back when I am properly motivated. And that actually did happen a few times while I was there. I went to a couple of bars there and got wild and freaky. I guess it is still allowed in some parts. I went to a wonderful bar and restaurant, where a sexy cowboy kissed me and his lover bought my dinner! I even managed to get hit on at the casino! And there is one park there that is absolutely crazy!!!
Spent some time with some friends in Illinois. Had a delightful time and didn't have to lift a finger. I worked on my tan in the pool during the day and got drunk soaking in the hot tub at night. There was always cute guys around, the grill was always going and the music was loud. I even stayed in the suite with the tub big enough for four, yes I tested it! A note to one straight boy there...the next time you feel the need to manipulate yourself in a room of gay guys, just tell us look but don't touch and take your stuff out your jeans. Some of us would have taken care of it without you doing any work at all, well, except for moans and groans and repeat performances.
I also spent some time on a house boat in Texas. That goodness, I missed the storms and tornadoes there. I can't even talk about what happened there, but I do remember some of it anyway!
And the last little bit of my celebration was spent in my cabin in Kentucky. I love my dead husbands! I took good care of them when they were here, and they are returning the favor in the afterlife. Still love my three angels, actually seven if you count my better friend, but anywho...I have a couple of hot male strippers renting it when I'm out of town, but the three of us hosted a couple of parties and had a damn good time! And I did all the cooking, so they put on some weight in all the right places! Did some hiking and skinny-dipping. I felt young and beautiful again, instead of gorgeous and middle-aged! lol
Before I forget, ladies in Hawkinsville, Georgia might want to check out tomkat1133, a might fine looking 52 year old. And you tramps in Charlotte, NC might take a gander at crazybenjii! 32 rarely looks that good!
To Gowerboy, Jakeypoo and all my regular readers I say thank you, I miss you and I will be back real soon with my old feces! To all you brave new readers, especially the men, holler at a female dog! I can't bite you through the screen, and when I do, I do it right and in all the right places!
Just thought I'd bring up to speed on the old diva!!!
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Mourning, Grieving & Wondering!!!
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Feb 21, 2012 2:45 pm
1212 Views
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I am so upset and distraught right now, I can barely type this crap. I just don't understand it!
Could it be because there were absolutely no hot guys to be found when I just on today?
Could it be that one of the two new fellows I was telling you about last month is already proposing marriage? I mean, I know I'm hot sexual chocolate, but could I be that good? Hell, yeah!!! But that's not it.
Could it be that my Jakey-poo really wants me to bring his a cheerleader? A lady in uniform? Honey, I've got pom-poms and legs for days. And I have plenty of uniforms. I can doctor you right up, nurse you back to health and cop a feel. If I haven't won you over yet baby, here we go! Two bits, four bits, six bits, a dollar! Rocking your world, I'm gonna make you holler!
Could it be that my other guy, Gowerboy, just came, and went? Again?That come and go feces doesn't work for me darling. Like Destiny's Child and Patti LaBelle, you've got to scream or say my name!!!
No children! It is the lost of Miss Whitney Houston! If you regulars here, I have made fun of her more than once. And actually I felt bad because I had just sent one of her awful concert moments to some friends and family, before I found out she had passed. But I actually loved the woman in her heyday! Not like that, please! Fish and crack-ers have never been my thing. But I did admire her music.
Miracle! Lover for life! Oh Yes! Things you say! All great songs! One moment in Time! And her version of the Star Spangled Banner! My Name is Not Susan! The Greatest Love of all! Saving All My Love for you! Step by Step! I'm Every Woman! The Bodyguard soundtrack. So now you know I was a fan.
It is sad what I have to think about now where she is concerned. Can crack really do that to your voice? If so, I will stick to the kind I find in any lucky guy's pants! But the big question to me is...what the hell does Bobby Brown have going on down there? I've seen his face, his chest, his arms and I can't imagine he has that much in the back. So what is he swinging that would turn a pop princess with gospel roots into a crack head? Speaking of crack and head, I need to get off of here and find me some soon!
Until next time children...
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Fan Mail! Or Male Fan!!!
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Feb 4, 2012 5:56 am
1491 Views
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Howdy children! There were some pretty guys on when I arrived today, but I don't have time for my usual party, so I just going to quickly crank one out for you!
I actually had mail in my box again when I arrived. Both of the guys I told you about last time had written, one twice. It is so nice to be loved, especially this close to Valentine's Day. I will actually be communicating with one outside of this site. And I got one from a lady who wanted to be more than my girlfriend. I just had to tell her, I have never tried the stuff!
I mean, when you go the grocery store, do you look at every little item, or read every label? You might check out a couple to compare, like Del Monte or the Jolly Green Giant, a no-brainer for me. And some people just go for the store or generic brand, kind of like Viagra, Levitra and Cialis. But me, I just know! Clorox bleach, Dawn dish detergent, and the only lady in my house, Miss Butterworth pancake syrup. How did that song go, "Oh you ain't got a thing, if it ain't got that swing!" You know what I mean!
So Jakey-poo. Thank you so much for FINALLY saying something. I love and miss you darling! And you just love to see me pout, do you? Must be so you can plant one on these sexy lips of mine! Mine are bigger than Angelina Jolie's, and I have strawberry, coconut, pina colada, chocolate and mango lip glosses you can taste when you are ready. Love you Boo! Yeah, the other one came by too, but still opting to play shy. Don't be coy, boy!
Well, I had better get off of here. I'm in Indy for Super Bowl week. I've seen Patti LaBelle, En Vogue and a slew of others, but the big game is tomorrow and I still haven't done the zip line yet. What, it has nothing to do with zippers or trousers? I will check it out anyway. Maybe I can score me a touch down there? What, it is just a touchdown? Please tell me I can get a tight end or a wide receiver to play with, at the very least!
I will holler at you all again before Lover's Day!
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I want to be feces-zy, but I can't!!!
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Jan 17, 2012 6:10 pm
1561 Views
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I never know what I can say here anymore!
I'm going to stop speaking to my regulars. Damn females dogs and schlongheads just want to pop by here, get their jollies and take off without even saying hi! I need a new crop of readers who can appreciate me for the legendary quintessential consummate mahoganian diva bitch queen that I am.
I love my boys, but they seem to be running like all the rest. And I guess I'm just too much woman for most of the women around here too. But I refuse to be a Lone Ranger. I'm going to save the horse and ride a cowboy. So Drew Lachey or any Texans out there, holler at a brother.
So I'm still ranting, even though I got a couple of surprises when I got here today. Yes, children! Two men sent emails to my private box, the one outside my pants. The one Friendfinder gave me!
I don't want to run them off by calling them out here, but one thinks I look like an angel. Hope he's not reading my stuff! lol Sweet, little cutie in Poland. And one little hottie in Gambia wants to get to know me better. After how many years? I'm finally getting the kind of attention I wanted, even if the kind I've adored and earned here seems to be leaving me. The only sad thing is that they are both going to be long distance relationships for now. I think it just might reach. lol
All right I'm done for tonight! I will be back soon, since I luck seems to be changing around here! I hope my old favorites will have the courtesy to speak this time. Otherwise, I just may leave you alone.
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Christmas Hymns!!!
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Dec 21, 2011 6:51 am
1737 Views
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That right children! Happy Homodays from your favorite big mouth gay! And still, not a lot of guys come to see me. Oh, well! Yes, I'm back, and if you are a regular, you know I was suppose to be back earlier, but the monitor went out on my computer, so you got a longer break than you should have.
Let me wish you all, regulars and virgins,(I know it has been a while since someone called you that)a very special Christmas and a magical new year. And since I'm hanging around more often, we are off to a fabulous start!
I will not be calling out my regulars today, like the chick who is still walking around on the beach in my dress, or my Oppo-twin. Nor will I holler at my two boys about not speaking to me when they came, sorry, stopped by to visit. I still love you all and will return to you guys next time. Right now, I want to call your attention to three guys I noticed when I got here!
Now, when I lived in Kansas City, I knew a married fireman who was looking for a female friend. They must be following me because I discovered a 52 year old one in my neck of the woods. Damn, I just figured what the FF means in FFTommy22. But I do hope your searching ends as well as the one in Kansas City did. Is "did" appropriate if they are still seeing each other? Anywho, there was another guy in my neck of the woods who is either shy or secretive. I should state that neither has a picture with their profile. But Nicegentsevensix reads like a dream, between the lines. Damn, did it again. I thought he was a gentle giant, but that's just the year he was born. Oh well, there was one hottie I saw, proving there are nice surprises in Surprise, Arizona! You work it Jpopowski!
Now I am sure most of you know that I have a gay ole time at the end of each year. My memory tree is full of guys who hold a special place in my heart, or somewhere on this body, in various states of undress. Don't worry, only people who may make it on next year's tree will see it. It is in my bedroom, as it serves other uses on the cold, lonely, empty nights. Which reminds me, Gowerboy and Jakey-poo, it is time you get added, don't you think?
The other room I'm good in is always rocking as well, as I constantly bake pies, cakes and cookies. Anatomically correct gingerbread men are hugely popular! And I just can't find myself singing Christmas songs or carols, so they become hymns.
Like Ava Mario though Celine Dion and Pavarotti may have problems with my version. My version of Brenda Lee's classic I don't I can even type here, nor Dolly Parton's "Hard Candy Christmas!" But in closing, as my way of saying Merry Christmas, I do wish to share part of my version of "My Favorite Things!" Enjoy!
Richard and Robert and William and Randy,
Allan and Alan and Allen and Andy.
Fingers aren't the only things to get rings.
These are a few of my favorite things!
Tony and Jason and Tyrone and Ryan,
Simon and Steven and Matthew and Brian.
A hot affair or some wintertime flings.
These are a few of my favorite things!
Daniel and Timmy and Tommy and Billy,
Vincent and Reggie and Michael and Willie.
Couple of playmates attached with no strings.
These are a few of my favorite things!
Teddy, Paul, Troy, Trent and Tom, Dick and Harry,
Sam, Ray and Kenneth and Doug, Seth and Barry.
Hope I can play with a few ding-a-lings.
These are a few of my favorite things!
If it goes right
in the morning
I'll prepare some food.
Then I'll remember my favorite things
and remain in a good mood.
P.S. If you want and it works wonders for me, drag it drastically and think of a guy with each name before you move to the next!!! lol
Merry Christmas everyone!
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Howdy Do & Happy Holidays!!!
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Dec 5, 2011 10:26 am
2130 Views
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That's right, damn it! I'm back and bigger and badder than ever. And boy was I suprised to see that people are still reading me and my feces. I'm so proud of my loyal children here! Thank you good people!
Let me first give a shout out to all my girls! You know who you are. Especially the ones who are following me on Twitter and Facebook as well.
And to the two best and bravest men on the site, Gowerboy and Jakey-poo! How are you guys? Still looking good I see. Beats the hell out of that Thanksgiving turkey I was forced to eat. The Sahara had more moisture. Thank goodness I'm in charge of Christmas dinner this year. Yes, female dogs, I can cook too. I'm telling you children, I would be the perfect husband for some lucky guy out there!
Now for those of you looking for my normal crap, I promise you I will be back every week this month, because I got a lot of stuff to get off my chest, and no, it ain't milk! But there are a few things I want to say that is unrelated to my regular man-hunting and stuff. So get ready!!!
J-Lo, darling, love your work, love your style. Hell, I could love you from a distance, but baby, your taste in men! Outside of Ben, who I will getting at in a second, and Cris, my favorite man on the planet, no offense to my guys here, I've done better with men after a week of drinking! And if you don't know who Cris is, check out Cris Judd sometime. All kinds of yummy for my tummy, and some other places as well.
Ben, I always thought you were kind of cute, but when Jenny wrote and sung that song about you, "Dear Ben" I found myself wanting a sample. But what did you do? You went from Lopez to Garner, like you're stuck on Jenny or something. So next year, my drag name is Jenny Forever! Come and get it!
So are you all getting ready for the ninety holidays that end the year? Kwanzaa, Hannakuh, Christmas, New Years, and the gang! Well, my tree is up and looking fine as me. The menu is planned. And I'm hoping to host some sort of affair, either sense of the word, to bring in the new year! still got some cards to get out and some shopping to do, which is why I'm back here. Six foot tall, dark and lovely, hairy chest, money in his pocket and smart as a whip, a gentlemen at all time when he's not freaking in the bedroom! Help a sister out here will you? That would be one hell of a Christmas present for me!
Yes, I will be doing a couple of shows this year, though not as many as usually. Been too busy, in all the wrong ways. But you all can correct that one for me, so hop to it.
All right, already. I'm done. But I will be back, sooner than you think or may hope for! Until then, keep you face into place, get back in the race, get through the holidays at your own pace!
Happy Holidays everyone!!!
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Sunday Drunch!
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Apr 3, 2011 7:00 am
2824 Views
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Look who's back! That's right, a year older, a little slower and just as wonderful as ever! lol
How is everybody? Hopefully doing fine, especially my two boys, who I won't be singling out today for the lack of time. I do have to say though that I saw pictures of you both today and you were a sight for sore eyes. I should have other sore parts when we finish, as I have been out of practice for quite some time! lol
This is the last day of the week long celebration of the anniversary of my birthday. Those of you cursing that day can place your lips on my voluptuous black hindside! I hate breaking away from here for so long because I never know what I can get away with when I return. Anyway, drunch is that meal between breakfast and lunch where you find yourself drinking more than eating! Look it up on Spliterature!
Don't worry ladies. I'm not calling you out today either. I'm just glad to be back. And other guys I may have stalked while I was here today got a reprieve as well. See, I'm obviously in a good mood. Thank you Everclear!
For those of you who care, I will be returning to my old form, literally and figuratively, later this week. Guys beware!
But to bring you up to date over the last six months, I got sick, turned a year more seasoned, got some new gigs and a promotion and gained three angels in Heaven. The last half year has been eventful to say the least.
And so here we are, together again. Don't play the Janet Jackson by that title. I can't move at that speed anymore! At least, not alone. lol
Until next time children, take care!
P.S. I tried to check out a few of your blogs, but for some reason I couldn't. So if you are blocking me, stop!
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Britney Houston!!!
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Oct 15, 2010 6:41 pm
2893 Views
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If you wondered where I have been the last couple of months, I have been touring the Midwest as my latest creation, Britney Houston. Yes children, it is as bad as you think it is, a combination of Britney Spears and Whitney Houston, but with more issues. Like an rear end like Jennifer Lopez and a third leg, if you know what I mean. lol And honestly, after looking at these females lately, I can say, it is thicker than both of Whitney's and looks better shaved than Britney did at one time! lol
What can I say? I'm having a damn good time, and speaking of which, I don't have a lot of time so let me get on with it.
Let me thank all the wonderful people who responded to my last post. I sincerely appreciate it. I'm a bit disappointed that certain people didn't speak, but I will get at them in a bit. I will not get all the names right, so forgive me or better yet, pay to complain to my face! lol Ari_Fairy, it is always a pleasure to hear from you girlfriend. You are probably the oldest regular female I have here these days. Let me fix that, you aren't the oldest. You have been here the longest. See, I can be a gentleman! TheGG, I thank you for the education, and for hollering at me. The girls around here will tell you, you have more... basket than most men around here. I hope I can get away with that. It is always great to hear from you as well, Poetdancerin. Damn, I hope I got that right. I have been drinking you know! And I'm not even going to try that last one right now, but the beautiful black lady who visited for the first time, thank you very much. And I intend to address your response when I have more time.
Now, Oppotwin, where in the world are you? You know, you can only be water without me. And even the party animal needs a break every now and then. So bring your butt back here before Halloween! And I'm only going to conclude that my two guys here, Gowerboy and Jakeypoo, are jealous to hear about me spending time with others. But as I said, you two will never be replaced. There will always be a place in my bed, I mean, my heart for you. So come on back here so we can start a new season of Jake and the Black Man and The Hour of Gowerboy. I'm use to spending more than a minute with you guys! lol
And speaking of guys, there was a cutie who got my attention when I first got here. He even plays for my team, if you know what I mean. Rose Nyland, if you're reading this, that means he sleeps with the same gender as he. Unfortunately, he is in Illinois and only 19, but he could be worth the wait! lol And I caught another Philippine guy here who chose not to speak. So Pedro, buenos noches and asta luego amigo! Didn't I blow your mind that time! lol
All right, like Shania Twain, I'm outta here! But I will be back soon, if only to scare a few guys for Halloween! So until then, stock up on the sweets, rock to your own beat and let me know if you are a trick or a treat!
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